Gone and Back Again
by thebeastinsideusall
Summary: Teenage love and mistakes, Jason is gone before he knows and you... you just try not to sob at everything that reminds you of your first love. Cross posted on Archive account
1. Chapter 1

Youth. Freedom. The exhilaration of sneaking out, meeting a boy, doing things at sixteen you shouldn't be doing. But youth and love, oh it just consumes every fiber of your being. Your mind only thinks of them, your body only yearns and your heart aches when they aren't there, swells when you're near them.

He's rich, handsome beyond anything that should be possible. But he doesn't care about the wealth behind his adoption, he was raised in the streets, knew how to survive and protect. All dark hair and shining baby blues, a smirk that says he knows exactly what your thinking and hell, he's thinking it too.

Creaking fire escapes and rooftops. He tells you what he really does at night, the same night he tells you he loves you. The suit, you may giggle a bit, it's gaudy and brightly colored and how the hell does Batman think he can hide and stalk in that thing? But he lets you try on the mask, just for a moment, kisses you softly and brushes his thumb over the blush on your cheeks. He's gotta go, he still takes you to the movies the next night, despite the narrowed gaze of Bruce Wayne at the sight of your frayed jeans and the holes in your jacket.

Months pass, and how you love him. He makes you feel worthwhile, deserving of attention, loved. You do things you're too young for, have to be careful because you can't afford birth control and he's too young to buy condoms. But the way he touches you, holds you, it's like heaven and you don't care you're not out of high school yet. You just don't care.

And when you see what's on the test. You get excited for some reason. You want to tell him. Waiting on your rooftop, your special place where he always meets you after patrol. But he doesn't show up. It's morning, sun shining, and he still doesn't show. He's not at the academy the next day, he doesn't walk you home.

And then the news is on, the screen showing a live feed of the Wayne manor. "Wayne family in grief at death of son." Jason's picture flashes on the screen. And your whole world goes blank. Feet hit pavement and the crumpled bills in your pocket are just enough to pay the cab at the front of the manor.

The butler opens the door, there's surprise on his face and then the tears on yours give him enough of an answer. But you demand to see Bruce, demand the adoptive father of the boy you loved, what happened?

And you tell him Jason told you the truth, if only about him but you figured out the rest. It wasn't hard to see that Bruce was the bat, so you screamed at the adult across from you until your voice was hoarse and you collapsed to the floor in sobs.

He finally kneels at your side, hand on your shoulder. The joker, he couldn't find Jason in time, the factory went up in flames. Jason was already dead when the explosions went off. Bruce had tried. But it hadn't been enough. His cheeks were wet like yours.

You don't tell him, but he figures it out months later, when you drop by the manor to see Jason's grave and your uniform is just barely hiding the roll of your stomach that's much too solid for anything else. He offers the manor, a safe place, though he's disappointed like any adult would be. You're parents are furious but they find out it's a Wayne's, their tune changes. But by then you file to be emancipated. You're free of them and the money signs in their vision.

You name him Jason junior, J.J, for short. Your little jay bird. With dark hair and blue eyes and you cry a little every time he looks at you. He's one when the news report talks about a man in a red helmet killing Gotham's underlying crime ring goons.

JJ is two when Bruce sets you down and explains, as gently as he can, who is under the red hood.

He's three when his father finally has the nerve to show himself into the manor. His cheek was hard muscle and you're sure you broke a finger, but the slap felt so good. And then you're sobbing against his leather jacket, the toddling baby in your arms whimpering.

He apologizes, it's not enough, it probably won't be for a long time. But he's alive, he's there.


	2. Chapter 2

He's different. There's more than a shadow hanging about his presence, it's more like a maelstrom of pitch black seeping from his boots to the tips of his dark hair. But there's a ghost of a smile, a remnant of his snark and sarcasm, and a shine his eyes when he holds JJ.

You don't like the way Bruce is hard on him, clearly the Bat's morals weren't seen in the eyes of the red hood. You're not in a position to fight Bruce but you can glare. Jason tries, maiming more than killing, injuring more than slaughtering. The numbers of dead on the tv screen are less but still present. There's a hushed veil of fear, now that one of the cities vigilantes isn't like the others. This one will destroy where the many will only push into a system that releases overcrowded prisons.

He's terrified, when he holds JJ. The toddler is learning sentences and speaking more clearly and Jason is so terrified he's going to hurt the baby. But he's so damn gentle you have to intervene sometimes, be the more alpha parent when the babe is screaming into a tantrum or too cranky to be laid down for bedtime when Jason freezes and can't raise his voice. But he's there. He carries his son on broad shoulders as he walks through the manor. There's laughter and the crashing sound of Legos as towers fall and cars are crushed. Naps on the couch with cartoons on the screen. Popcorn fights when toddlers lose interest in movies.

Then finally, finally, JJ has his first nightmare as a child. And he doesn't want you, his eyes are wide and tearful and his throat hoarse from screaming out 'daddy. Wan daddy'. Jason holds his son in strong arms, walking through the manor in bare feet and exhausted from three days of patrol. But he whispers encouraging words and wipes away tears from puffy cheeks.

You watch from the doorway of the library, Jason is barely whispering and you have to listen really hard, but he's telling his son about all the wrongs he's done, all the monsters he's fought, all battles won. That he'll protect his little man with everything he's got and if that's not enough JJ has three uncles and a grandfather and great grandfather that will fight tooth and nail to always protect him.

He's surprised to see you there but a smile graced his lips and he leans down to kiss your cheek, hold your jaw in his wide hand as his thumb brushes over your flesh. He hasn't said it in awhile, it's too raw and he's too scared to express it, but in moments like these, when it's just you and just him. He tell you how much you mean to him, you're the only thing that kept him from going mad after the pit, the only thing that made him fight back and take back control. You're his everything.

When JJ is three an a half and spring is rolling through Gotham, you groan and look at the stick in your fingers. And you can't help but think, not again.

Then fear grips you, absolute terrible, downright maddeningly frightful fear. The last time you'd come to this realization, Jason had died. Ice down your spine gripping tight, your feet run and run and you gasp when you run into a tall figure. It's not Jason, it's Dick and he's instantly worried but you just scramble and ask for Jason, it's important.

You're gone before he's raised his hand toward the back doors, the gardens. Jason has JJ in his arms, pointing to the koi fish in the circle pond and your heartbeat slows. He's right there, he's fine.

Later you try to laugh it off but he knows, he knows because you'd acted like he'd been shot. So you bite your lip, chew your nail, finally telling him. And he stares at you, blankly, unblinking for long moments and you wave your hand in front of his stare. He asks, you tell him again. And he just wraps you up in his arms, the hold almost bruising but you don't care.

There's a suit in the Batcave that is now seldom used. A red helmet and bat across the leather chest. Only when Jason deems it needed, when crime rates rise and villains come out of hiding spots. Slowly the patrols become less frequent, Damian is an excellent Robin. Nightwing has his own city and Red Robin is making a team of his own.

Jason is the forefront of charities focusing on helping kids off the streets, bettering public education and stopping drug trafficking into elementary schools. Jason Todd Wayne is the new Bruce Wayne as Bruce steps back some from the spotlight. He couldn't be more proud.

He has his moments. That darkness never leaves. But he loves with all he's got and you, you're everything to him.


End file.
